mother_hearted: (Default)
omg i can't write out what i want properly so i am just gonna not fic it for you bc I AM REALLY INTO THIS SOUJI SMTIV BACKSTORY expanding on what we talked about AND MAKING IT BETTER WORSE

also the amount of world building i have been nnnnn

tori strap in here we go

around age 7 or 8, souji's parents abandon him in a forest he does not know in the dead of night. he wants to believe they are being cruel and teaching him a harsh lesson to toughen up - he's too weak, weak and useless already, while all the other children are flourishing. so he's smart? god made him smart, why did god make him smart and useless, was he meant to be born into another family?

and the real gritty truth when they don't come back after he keeps himself tucked into a bush, much like they never cared for him being smart, they did not care for him at all.

he's lost but he doesn't want to die. he finds water, struggles to find water, mashes berries in his hands and stains his fingers so he can eat, insect casings crunch in between his teeth because it's all he can do, can find, he spends two days lost and afraid, drowning in his fate because he was a burden, and not a son, and they left him to die, and he's too smart to ignore anything, everything, he didn't ask to be wrong, he never did

AND THEN A MAN WITH A TINY GIRL STRAPPED TO HIS CHEST APPEARS and souji's confused because he's being checked for injuries and can he talk, yes, what happened, and sadness just tumbles from his mouth, and then he's being fed fish and he can't stop hiccuping or sniffling, why is he being so nice to him, his hands are young but there are deep lines in his face already and

his daughter's hands are so tiny

they reach out and clutch at souji's bangs like he is a prize and she laughs and he laughs and it's a cue that souji is safe, somehow, he's taken home

to ryotaro's home, with his large calloused hand and souji cries wet and silent the whole walk there

ryotaro never tells him to stop crying

ryotaro's village is smaller, poorer than souji's home but somehow infinitely warmer and friendlier

ryotaro is a Big Deal, a man of respect and someone everyone defers to when conflicts arise. they seek his advice and his support and because he is treated well, souji is also treated well. they feed him and rub gel into his scrapes and welcome him and they call him odd, smart, but it isn't an insult, he's still a child and souji doesn't know what to make of it all.

he's not strong, like his parent's pots and tools he breaks them when he first tries to help but instead of being smacked with a wooden serving spoon, they give him other things to do.

he learns how to take care of nanako and how to mix medicine and needlework, how to tell stories and the importance of music, dance. crops and slowly building endurance taking care of animals.

it's shocking he has learned how to read, but then they give him books, picked up, lost, found, uneven volumes of stories, spines with pages ripped out, he reads them all greedily, absorbs the world and

his whole life, he has felt like an outsider looking in on the world, a puzzle of mysterious that can be solved if you watch and look hard enough, or simply often enough.

he is a child and he would never be told half of what he knows directly.

he finds answers in fields where adults are talking, laughing and frustrated and god is god and i am not, don't suppose a luxuor has ever heard that, huh?

stop that

what, we don't live near the capital, we aren't the ones forced to tend outside the castle gates, i needn't turn a blind eye. but while the truth is the truth, reality is reality, i was born with dirt in my mouth, not a golden spoon

...yes, i would rather know and be sad, then not know and be happy.

at least we have our pride, that's all we'll take to our graves

souji finds a women's dress folded into the layers of ryoyaro's bedding, faded, with an enormous red stain on its chest. he puts it back carefully with a prayer.

ryotaro teaches souji how to talk, when to abstain, when to allude, mislead, and when to breathe. he doesn't know it, but souji think he is incredible.

souji loves animals, and they love him, he thanks them and cherishes them, knowing full well they will be eaten and made for clothing, accessories, all parts always used.

a year passes in the quiet homey village, souji is going to go learn how to fish the morning after.... the night it happens.

screams of monsters, fearful, wet, horrific screams, he can't remember much in the dark, except his foster father yelling like a mad man, like a monster himself, souji crawling blind in the dark, only for shelves and pots to collapse on top of him, knocking him out.

souji wakes up in the arms of holy people, robes and stern faced men dressed like soldiers accompany them - there is wreckage and blood and they don't stop him from looking, he doesn't see any bodies, he doesn't understand (but he does, he does, and instead of screaming outloud he faints, screams rattling around his brain too hard).

when he wakes up again he is in a wagon and young people with cold hands are handling him gently.

in a process too unreal, he is Officially Adopted, by two members of the religious nobility in Mikado.

it was god's mission

they are noble and royal and pious - they are luxurors.

souji is there all of a month once his sickness from the trauma debates, and he hates them. all of them.

they tutor him, delighted to find he truly has been blessed by god, look what a smart boy we found, to think he would have wasted away, surely this is god's will, and only his adoptive parents and few members of the church know where souji is really from. they are a quiet exclusive community and it won't be hard to introduce souji into society - provided they teach him how.

they tell him to forget his old life, it matters not now, when he has ascended, finer food, people, things - change your posture, fix your mannerisms, inappropriate, unacceptable, don't give anyone a reason to stare

the superficial shallow life of many of the nobility is frustrating, men and women who can spend days never even stepping outside their home, the way they talk of people like they are cattle, who don't know better, who will never know better

souji thinks of ryotaro, insightful, wise, and how dangerous he was, as a man, as a casualry, and how they insult his memory.

his parents cries and ugly accusations float into his mind when he sleeps - did god mean to make you a luxuror and it doesn't seem to matter anymore, souji doesn't fit in anywhere.

adults are brutal, merciless, and clueless - they want to mold him to be perfect, while burning away the poor parts of himself he'll never shake off.

in the midst of all this, he has a sister: same age, but different. born into this world, isabeau fits right in. souji hates her. she is cold, calculated, pristine, and distant.

at least, for weeks he thinks so.

until he finds her being scolded, harshly, a book in an uncle's hands, ripped page after page as he yells, rubbish, childish, you are a child but not a common child, where are your studies, you taint the scriptures with this garbage in your brain and souji knows what it is, a storybook, one he would very well devour if given the chance.

but what he sees most, is isabeau's clasped hands in front of her, painfully tight and her chin lifted up, eyes wide and unblinking. it takes him a moment to realize if she blinks, tears will cascade down her cheeks, and so she doesn't, holds in her grief so the scolding can end and in a corner down the hall unseen,

souji watches her finally cry when she is alone, burying her face in her sleeve.

when they next interact after lessons, they are alone and souji presents her with one of his toys, a wooden figure he cherishes. she stares at first, steals a look around, before her face breaks, eyes lighting up with accompanying color in her cheeks, oh, oh!! i've never seen this before

souji's sister is curious, aching to experience the whole world and not just her own, and suddenly it feels like they have everything in common. they share, eat together, sit in church together, and talk - isabeau knows who he is and what he was but never asks, leaving souji guilty and grateful at once - they tell stories, share secrets, and hold hands when the other is sad.

though they are not connected by blood, in a few short years they can only be siblings.

no one questions it.

isabeau becomes the one good thing in his world.

he can't hide his oddness, his disconnection to people, when he lives officially as a Luxuror, the nicknames begin: the ghost of a brother, the gray ghoul, the phantom, souji is the center of attention and invisible all at once.

he takes advantage, keeps things to himself.

he comes to the decision his parents are good people, but ignorant, misguided. they tend to those who fall ill, offer prayers along with medicine, and they have never turned anyone away. the church does good work, and in its solitude, souji spends time there. his parents would be shocked to find him reading or writing, instead of tending or praying, but like isabeau, it offers a sanctuary to him, a place to go when he must be out.

there are always people to talk to, and without meaning to, it builds the twins a reputation of good children.

although souji is odd and strange, there is a community that respects him.

unfortunately souji has been deeply influenced by the church in terms of:

decency (he teases his sister relentless;y for wearing shorts out)
intimacy (love is already a can of worms, sex is !?!?!??!)

and other little ways - but he still enjoys physical displays of affection, mischief, story telling, knowing there is a god but that they could be one of many, discussions, and petty childish behavior all older sisters are cursed with.



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August 2017

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