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adell is different from taro and hanako.

you can't get around that.

he had parents, biological parents he knew when he was placed with mom and dad. they were his family. and then they were gone. his young age made it easier for him to grow up thinking of mom and dad as his parents, instead of just guardians. and it was even easier to think of taro and hanako as being his brother and sister.

but as we know adell always carried worries, anxieties, bitterness about his family circumstances. he had no answers and when he looked at the world, he could only imagine his worst fears - his biological parents didn't care enough about him. he cared so much to find the truth he almost got killed.

but regardless of this, he loves his parents, his brother and sister. those who have become his family even with him wanting to know the truth. we know he loves them, that he would do anything for them.

after all. he promises. the pain he felt from his previous family lead him to wanting to protect his present family from the same.

of course mom saw all of this. she knew this. her circumstances are so radically different. she doesn't remember her family, the one from Before. she only has the family she has fought hard to form now, to love, to create, to raise. to ultimately protect. her family. her's.

i can only imagine how terrifying it was to be awake, for her. when it first happened. the sense of nothingness inside her and the everything around her. a stranger in a strange house with another stranger looking at her and there's a child. who knows his own name and who he is and i wonder if he looked up at her afraid the first time, if she saw fear in his eyes. i wonder about it. i don't think he ran and i do think he was scared. but because he could still recognize her he attached himself to her legs anyway. he felt alone and scared and mom felt nothing, just looked down at him and saw another piece to a puzzle she didn't even know she had to solve.

i think about that a lot.

i think he was a great source of stress for her because they found out he wasn't theirs and it turns out by the time they find out who he belongs to they just have to take care of him. and they do.

honestly, after a few months mom knew they weren't coming back, her friends who she couldn't remember fondly. i referenced the decision in her post kidnapping thread where she was coming off the drugs. i think incredibly early on she decided to keep adell, that adell was hers, and that that pushed her.

to really truly make it happen.

he ultimately pushed her to not only become a mother but to move on and build herself back up. in those early years where she wasn't quite as energetic and dynamic, mom has the advantage of adell being so young he can't quite remember how hollow she started out. i think over the course of a year or two she really developed and grew into her strengths and weaknesses.

if she hadn't, she wouldn't have wanted a larger family.

adell, along with dad, were the first two to really motivate her to set such a standard for herself.

she doesn't worry, she doesn't regret, but she thought about adell alot. his background, his pain, the inability to address those specific wounds. she encouraged him to live and she encouraged him to be strong and she wanted him to find his own lifeline while being able to share himself with others.

mom takes and takes and takes. but she gives so much of herself to her family. a weakness that is actually a strength.

it follows the idea of

i am because we are

which makes a lot of sense for her.

in the game he is so young and so hurt.

and then to come to luceti

to see him older and grown up emotionally and to see the new struggles and guilts and to see him as someone who has overcome his greatest emotional pain. to be able to RESPECT him as an individual person and to trust him to let him see his mother, the one who raised him to take in pain and shove it right back out, in her own pain that unlike adell, ache and lingers more heavily.

it was an awestruck moment, one that she will never forget.

for a devil women, greedy as sin, and honest as the sun rises... it could only really be her that could plant the seeds of passion, desire, and all time stubbornness to achieve his goals in life.

mom is pretty damned pleased with her son.

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Tokiya

August 2017

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